I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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