fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
