You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
