Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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