did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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