there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
