all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
