im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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