I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
