can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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