i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
