considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's never too late to be topless.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
