there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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