she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
