There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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