he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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