did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
