i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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