Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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