I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
This house was built for laser tag.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
