i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
