I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
