i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
