Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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