Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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