Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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