Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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