some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
