So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
