adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
