Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
