im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I met the friendliest cop last night
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
