he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
my liver is dry heaving
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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