I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
