so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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