dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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