and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
