apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
