in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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