I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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