You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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