Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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