sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
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Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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