I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
