didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
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I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize