How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
