yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize