You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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