ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
