i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
