Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
