Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
