Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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