If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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