If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize