I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
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Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
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WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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