That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
