okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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