i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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