jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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