Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
