Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Found your dick twin last night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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