Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
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