just come out here and I will go home with you...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
