apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
