You just made me feel so damn special
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
