Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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