i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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