4 words: hood of his car
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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