it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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