Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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