Duck Duck Cougar?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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