So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
