chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Boobs are out for the taking
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
