why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
