he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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